Sunday, September 26, 2010

Cannibalism, ho!

No where else but the Internet can you find anything you need. It truly is a glorious encyclopedia of knowledge, able to tell you anything you need to know. Maybe not when you need it, though, which is why I have the thing for you!

Here is a small excerpt:
Before getting to the main task, it must be mentioned that the complete rendering of the human carcass requires a fairly large amount of time, effort, and space. If the consumer does not wish to go through the ordeal of processing and storing the bulk of the entire animal, an easy alternative is as follows. Simply saw through one or both legs at the points directly below the groin and a few inches above the knee. Once skinned, these portions may then be cut into round steaks of the carver's preferred thickness, cut into fillets, deboned for a roast, etc. Meat for several meals is thus readily obtained without the need for gutting and the complexities of preparing the entire form.
Now, tone of the passage aside, this is some useful stuff here, even if you just remember some minor tidbits, like good ol' human brisket.

So you're with your honey on your honeymoon, cruising along on a ship, enjoying life, when the ship crashes, you get knocked out, and next thing you know, you're stranded on an island with little water, no edible food, and no hopes for escape. Whether you have your honey with you or not is up to your imagination, but you do have another guy there. He's fatter than you, eats way more than you, drinks way more than you, and looks a bit like a burger when he lies down to sleep at night.

Now, this blog is not condoning any acts of non-consensual human-eating...but if you happen to strike a deal with him, you scratch my back, I eat yours, hey! Who's at fault? Really?

In any event, reading the books, memoirs, interviews, etc of the mentally unwell is really interesting.

This guy, for example, is Issei Sagawa. He's a Japanese guy who got thrown away for eating and killing (not in that order) a Dutch lady, and, after release, was given an interview in Japan, where he gave away big secrets cannibalists don't normally tell you when they're cutting you up.

Did you know, according to the Cannibal Society, the sweetest part of the human body is the female clitoris? Described as chewy and sweet, they recommend frying it on a pan, sprinkled with your favorite sauce. No tenderizing necessary here, folks. I don't remember if it was Issei or another such cannibal interviewee who said that.

Here's a link to a transcription of the interview:

"An alternative would be to drown in female saliva. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be covered all over with women’s spit? If I could die drowning in it, that would be my ultimate dream come true."

God, I love this guy.


  1. I laughed the whole time reading this. I love the internet.

  2. While this is sick...for some reason I found myself intrigued in reading about it.