I am weary.
Since the days when I left those months, filled with guilt and loneliness only the outcast can feel, I have had a constant headache, from a gentle throbbing just beneath my forehead to a violent beating on all parts of my skull from the inside. When I speak, it chastises me with a thump upon my temple. When I listen to others talking, it punishes me with a punch to my head. When I walk, it hits me twice for every two steps I take, and thrice for every three. Every movement, every thought, every breath is somehow worthy of punishment.
I am so weary.
I have nothing to gain by working hard, by studying for test scores, by interrupting my taking it easy. To be stressed with the responsibilities of a normal life is to feel annoyance from the very depths of your heart to your extremities. For this life of mine, to live everyday with listless habits, to have a rote life so I may take it easy until my mind fails me, to have the chance to rest and enjoy my life before I get to rest and enjoy my death, that is what I want out of this life of mine. I have no need for a lover, nor for children, nor for a big house with a white picket fence.
I just want to take it easy.
I want to have a place to sleep that isn't infested by bugs and vermin. I want to have food to eat that isn't rotten. I want to have water to drink and bathe in that is constantly clean. I want to have an unlimited, high-speed internet connection and a computer with a large hard drive.
I don't care for respectability in society's eyes, nor for stressing my own self with worries about bills, about dealing with people, about high scores for future prospects, or about survival.
I just want to be alone, and I want to take it easy.
Pity I have no proof that Balamb Garden exists.
Though, to my memory, that was a military academy, wasn't it?
I to wish that I could live alone away from everything, to take it easy. If it's any consolation, I really enjoy your posts.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, part of successfully taking it easy involves not consciously trying to take it easy.
ReplyDeleteEarthly pleasures, while sometimes mentally fulfilling, can never lead to happiness purely on their own. You must first become satisfied with yourself and with what you have.
Ride the wave, don't fight the ocean. You will never win.
Those are my two cents.
And when the ocean drags you under, forcing you to work hard to not drown, must you suck it up and work hard?
ReplyDeleteNow that is the question.
ReplyDeleteI think when it gets to that point, it completely depends on the individual.
Some are sinkers, some are fighters, and everyone has their own way of approaching problems.
I honestly don't bother thinking about that. To me, thinking about such problems is as about as effective as realizing that the universe will one day completely and utterly end.
Drowning is unpleasant.
ReplyDeleteWorking hard to take even one breath is unpleasant too.
Why must I choose unpleasant things? Is there not a pleasant choice?
Unpleasant/bad things are naturally easier to come by than pleasant/good things. This is reflected in practically any facet of the human experience.
ReplyDeleteReally, just look at, say, food, or music, or art.
The amount of bad things greatly outnumber the good things.
Don't assume things.
ReplyDeleteI don't like unpleasant things and want to avoid them.
I have no feelings toward pleasant things.
I don't mind being content and living in apathy.
Just because I want to avoid unhappiness and stress does not mean I want to be continually happy.
Just because I want to avoid unpleasant things does not necessarily mean I want to encounter pleasant things.
That's not the first time I've heard that.
ReplyDeleteYou do have a point, however. Sometimes things aren't as simple as they seem.
By the way, did you set your blog to private or something? I can't access your page, and I'd really like to.
Sometimes its nice to be alone.
ReplyDeleteThe life of a NEET certainly would be charming.
ReplyDeleteproof?who needs proof
ReplyDeleteSolitude is truly something to value.
ReplyDeleteI desire to take it easy until the rest of my days like the rest of you, but it's simply not possible in today's world. So now I try and finish college so that I can earn enough money to take it easy.
ReplyDelete